Everyone Matters

Both a teaching and a learning couple of weeks for me – just how I like it!

The teaching part has been really interesting as I have had a student allocated to me. He’s in
his second year and I was really keen to show him the ropes, introduce him to my ladies on
Eden Bay and generally help him understand the often vast and complex needs of the older
person.

The Tom Hardy lookalike had other ideas…..

It started off ok – he seemed keen to learn and asked lots of relevant questions, which was
great for me too as it helped to test my knowledge. Then after a couple of days he started to
get a bit flirty with me and after day 4 he was offering to wine and dine me.

I very clearly explained that I was married but that even if I wasn’t, it would be highly
inappropriate for me to get involved with one of the students and left it at that. Well, that
went down like a bag of sick and Tom Hardy became the Kevin half of Kevin and Perry.

I asked him to do things such as assist me with dressing changes – perfect opportunities to
learn and to practice his skills. He huffed and he puffed and I wondered whether he’d
manage to blow the entire hospital down, or just the fragile little hut in my brain that was
housing my ever-shortening temper…

I pulled him to one side and asked him if there was a problem. He was proper sullen and I
don’t know how I didn’t laugh – ridiculous! He said there wasn’t, so off we went back to
Eden Bay to prepare Mrs B for discharge.

The final straw was when he was so bloody rude to Mrs B. She was clearly anxious about
going home, wondering how she was going to manage when her daughter was at work. I
couldn’t believe what I was hearing when he told her to stop fussing, that she hadn’t even
got home yet and she was causing problems for herself and that she couldn’t stay in
hospital forever.

I won’t lie – I was furious and how I didn’t drop kick him, I don’t know. As Mrs B burst into
tears, I told him to go to the office and wait there until I came to him. I gave Mrs B a huge
hug and told her to ignore him, that he was having a bad day (little did she know that it was
going to get much, much worse for him). We talked about her worries and discussed other
members of her family who might be able to help; she said her grand-daughter always came
at lunchtime and she could do a sandwich for both of them until Mrs B was well enough to
take the reins. It didn’t take much – a little empathy and discussion helped us to find a
solution and Mrs B started to look forward to going home.

I totally understand how safe the hospital environment can feel, with three delicious meals
a day (they are honestly home-cooked and yummy!) and people to talk to. The thought of
going home for someone who lives alone, or with limited support can be truly scary.

Our friend ‘Kevin Hardy’ was going to learn what truly scary looked like.

When I walked into the office, he was slouched in one of the chairs looking through his
phone. He glanced up at me and then went back to his phone.

This did nothing to improve my mood and I went to tear a huge strip off him. But before I’d
got a word out, the old brain kicked in. Instead of going off on one, I took him to the
canteen and asked him what was the matter. Made it very clear that I wasn’t going to
accept a non-answer. I don’t think he was expecting that – I think he thought I was going to
rip his throat out, which would have given him all he needed to make a complaint or stomp
off and refuse to return. Well there’s more than one way to skin a rat….

We got there eventually, but it turns out he really doesn’t like older people. Apparently, his
mother spent a lot of his childhood nursing her parents and he felt very resentful towards
them – hearing Mrs B have similar needs to his grandparents had been the final straw that
morning.

I get that older people’s care isn’t for everyone and I told him that. I also told him that while
he’s a student it’s important that he embraces every placement because each one will teach
him new skills and knowledge. I also told him that he must never treat anyone (whether he
likes or respects them or not) with anything other than compassion, empathy and kindness.

His response to that was ‘Even old folk?’

I rang his tutor when I got back to the ward. She said she would have a word and then we
would see how next week goes. My teaching days may not yet be over.

And what have I learnt this week? I think my biggest lesson this week has been realising that
I can give knowledge to the students and teach them new skills; however, I can’t teach them
to give a shit – that can only come from within.