I said YES!

I’m thinking of changing my name…how does Whirlwind Writingale sound?

Everything in my life is at full speed ahead at the moment and I’m not sure I can keep up!
Matt is my biggest news this side of Christmas so far. He only went and proposed over a lasagne and a bottle of Rioja at our local Italian restaurant. I should’ve known it was a special occasion when he upgraded from our usual bottle of house red! He told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, his crazy, kind and outspoken ball of spunkiness. I wasn’t quite sure whether that was a compliment and all sorts of images whizzed through my head, but seeing the pure love in his eyes, I let it lie.

Of course, my answer was a massive YES!

My mother is over the moon as she was convinced that no-one would ever take me off her hands. She immediately got her laptop out and searched for ‘plus size bridal gowns’ – I though Matt was going to shut the laptop lid with her head in it!!
So, my next bit of news is that I’ve joined Slimming World. I’d tried it once in the past but couldn’t get my head round red and green days so went back to making everything a brown day instead (brown burgers, brown ale, brown kebabs…). I could see from the first meeting that it’s changed a lot. All I have to understand now are speed foods, healthy options and syns – dead easy and so flexible around my crazy life of shifts.

Matt says he loves me just the way I am; my mother says I’m fat. We’re not going to set a wedding date yet as I can’t risk having my mother there pointing out to every guest what a fat bride I am and that I get it from my father’s genes.

So, it was with a spring in my step and a picture of my ring (can’t wear it at work) that I went into work last week. I couldn’t wait to share my news with everyone and got loads of hugs and congratulations from both colleagues and patients.

Even Jo managed a smirk and said she would expect an invitation. I didn’t know what to say to that, she’s the last person I want there on my special day. Anyway, she spoiled it almost immediately by whispering to me that nobody likes a fat bride and that I was sure to look like a pig in a dress.
Could she be any more cruel?

The answer to that, of course is…of course she can! Later that day, I was sitting reading in the staff room and she came in on her break. Thankfully, I only had 5 minutes left of mine so didn’t have to endure her company for too long. She sat down next to me with her butties and said she’d heard that Carla was going to be my mentor. She then went on to tell me that Carla had told her, in confidence, that Steve had had to twist her arm to agree to support me and that Carla really felt she had drawn the short straw. Apparently, none of the nurses like me and they couldn’t give a toss about my engagement, they were only being nice because Steve was there and he doesn’t like conflict in his team. Then she went on to say that didn’t I think it was strange that I was being given a mentor after 6 months on the job? And that most of them thought my practice was shoddy, if not dangerous.
Despite my 11 stone 2 lb mass, you could’ve knocked me over with a feather. I never knew any of this and I was gutted. She could see she had upset me, so with tears in my eyes, I picked my bag up and left.

After a little cry in the toilets, I went back to the ward looking like a very different Florence to the happy, light loved-up one that had arrived that morning.

The first person I bumped into was Carla. She could see that I was upset so took me into the office and shut the door. I couldn’t help myself, like a teenage school kid, I spilt my guts and asked if everyone hated me and thought I was a crap nurse. Carla stood there in complete shock. She asked me what on earth I’d had on my butties to be imagining things like that? I just said it was a feeling that I had – I couldn’t bring myself to say that Jo had put this into my head – and she stepped forward and gave me a really big hug.

Carla told me that there wasn’t a single person on this ward who had anything about them who didn’t like me. She said that I was a breath of fresh air and that she couldn’t imagine the ward without me being there. She then gently wiped my tears and told me that she had approached Steve and asked to be my mentor as she wanted to play a key part in my development, and all she hoped was that I remembered her in later years when I was sitting on the board! That made me giggle! Could you imagine, little old me (I will be little by then) in a position like that??

Carla then asked if I had any immediate worries or concerns that I wanted to share with her. I almost mentioned my conversation with Jo, but bottled it at the last moment. I didn’t want to spoil our bonding time and after what Carla had told me, I was sure I was over-reacting.
The rest of the week has passed in a whirlwind. As well as my mentor and friend, Carla has put herself in charge of arranging my hen-do. It’s progressed (or regressed) from a meal out to a weekend in Benidorm, even the patients are coming out with ideas and they are really making me blush!

Jo has avoided me since the staff room stand-off which suits me just fine. I’m determined to keep her at arms-length – I’m not sure how long I can keep it up for though…