A fishy fantasy...

So here I am – 5 months into my first permanent role as a staff nurse and I’ve actually managed to have a full two weeks off! I’ve been meaning to have some time off for a while now and had actually booked leave in January – however, the events of the past couple of weeks has made me realise that I need a bit of time to think and to recharge my batteries – just some ‘Me’ time, if you know what I mean.  I won’t lie – I was tempted to go and get a sick note and go off with stress, but that would make me feel like a fraud, there are people who are genuinely off with stress and I didn’t want to go down that route if it could be helped. 

Dealing with Jo and her antics has started to become a full-time job in itself. Not only did she pull that meds stunt on me, but she’s since made it really clear that I’m on her radar, and she’s picking and poking whenever she gets a chance.

Take, for example, the ward round last week. 

Steve, the Charge Nurse has asked me to attend and advised me to take a little bit of time to go through the patient’s notes to make sure I was up to speed.

I spent the next couple of days reading notes, studying medication charts and speaking to patients. I needed to make sure that not only did I know their individual cases inside out but also that I knew how they felt and what they wanted. That wasn’t always so easy to find out from the notes as we tend to document the progress of their condition without always thinking how they feel about it, so speaking to people directly was my only option.

The big day arrived and I won’t lie, I was bricking it. The very thought of sitting in that room and talking in front of all of those other professionals was really nerve-wracking. Steve could see that I’d turned a bit green, and told me to relax.

I soon got into my stride and thankfully I didn’t fudge anything up. We discussed Mrs A’s recurring UTIs and I was thankful that I’d studied her fluid charts in detail. I was even more pleased that I’d spoken at length to Mrs A and was able to share her fear of wetting herself which led to her reluctance to drink. We also discussed Mr B’s recent fall that had led to his admission. I passed on his concerns that he felt that he hadn’t been able to lift his left leg for some time now and that he felt he was dragging it behind him, and the Consultant ordered further tests.

 It took almost the full afternoon to get through everyone, but I was able to contribute not only my nursing observations but the thoughts and feelings of the patients themselves. At the end of the meeting, Steve asked to have a word with me in his office. I thought I was in trouble, that I’d overstepped the mark so I was really relieved when he told me that I’d done an excellent job. One of the social workers who had been at the meeting also popped her head in and gave me the thumbs up and said ‘Grand job Flo’ before going off to chat to the patient who I’d said was fearful of going home to an empty house.

Over the next couple of days, the word must have got around that I’d done my first ward round as all of my colleagues commented on it when they saw me and most of them were really encouraging.

And then there was Jo…

It wasn’t long until she found out that I’d been such an active part of the ward round and I braced myself for her comments. Good job too, because I’m sure she is on a mission to flatten me. She just whispered in my ear as she breezed past ‘Watch yourself Golden Girl, I’m going to take the shine off you…’ She really does make my guts churn, I wish I had enough of those guts to ask her what her problem is, but I haven’t so I will just bite my tongue and try to pretend she doesn’t exist.

If only she would return the favour and forget about me! Instead, she’s also started a nasty rumour, telling everyone I’ve got the hots for Steve (as if – he’s old – he must be 40!) 

I’m determined not to let her get to me, so I have arranged some nice things to do on my days off. In fact, I’ve actually got a date tonight!!!

Let me tell you about him!

I’ve known Matt for a few years now, we were students together and hit it off right from day one. He’s the kind of person that never fails to make me see the funny side and we’ve become quite close. At one point, we were really close (wink wink) and I took him over to my Mum’s one night for a good feed. I know me and Mum don’t always get on (!) but she’s one hell of a cook and I knew Matt would be impressed.

I still cringe now when I think how that night went. Mum being her usual blunt self, asked Matt if we were ‘courting’ (is that even a thing??). Matt took it all in his stride and said that he would prefer to think of us as friends with benefits. Well, Mum went all shades of the rainbow before she tore a strip off the pair of us! Told us we ought to be ashamed of ourselves, that the benefits system was for real people in need, not lazy lay-about students who chose to spend all their time in the pub... Matt, smooth as anything assured Mum that he would take her advice and that we would sign off our benefits first thing in the morning!

Anyway, earlier this week, I dropped him a text. We’ve been so busy in our work that it must’ve been about 12 months since we last met up for a good old catch-up. We arranged for him to come over on one of my ‘Me’ days for a couple of beers and a kebab and we had a proper good laugh.

It wasn’t long until talk turned to work; Matt works as a prison nurse and my eyes nearly popped out when he told me how some of the prisoners sneak mobile phones in. I then started on about my job, how much I loved it and how there was just one fly in my ointment…Jo. 

Matt was a bit taken aback; said this wasn’t like the Feisty Flo that he knew and loved and that’s when he offered to help me plan what I was going to do about it. He called it ‘Fantasy Role-Play’ (not what you’re thinking), where he pretended to be mean Jo, and I would practice different things to say to her. It all started off really well and I felt really empowered practising dealing with it all professionally, but after a few more beers, we started to hatch up a wicked plan. I suggested that we gatecrash her New Year’s Eve fancy dress party disguised as ninjas and I would then sew the contents of her prawn ring centrepiece into the lining of her bedroom curtains!! Not wanting to be out-done, Matt suggested we invite her and her bloke over for dinner and use his sweaty socks to drain their pasta!

It was a hilarious night and it was so good to get everything off my chest.

I know I haven’t dealt with the situation properly yet and I know I have to speak to someone about it when I get back to work. Much as I would love to carry out our cunning plan, I know that she’s got to be dealt with in a more professional manner.

But I’m not thinking about her yet – she’s taken up far too much room in my head over the last couple of months. 

Instead, I’m thinking of my proper, grown-up date with Matt – and tonight I’m determined Jo isn’t going to get a mention!